Drew's journals: Crime and Punishment

Journal #1-

In the first few chapters of Crime and Punishment, I found a reoccurring theme of indecisiveness and a lack of sanity. This lethal combination left Raskolnikov constantly paranoid and extremely observant of the things around him. A simple matter of exiting his building or sitting in a bar turned into a complex string of thoughts and observations, such as fearing that he may run into his landlord or when he stared at Marmeladov intently while drinking a beer. I am predicting that Raskolnikov will eventually find himself in a situation that he can no longer control, due to a poor decision in which he has made.
One of my favorite quotes in the first few paragraphs that I read was actually stated by Marmeladov. “Know, sir, that such beatings are not only not painful, but are even a delight to me… For I myself cannot do without them. It’s better. Let her beat me, to ease her soul… its better…” I enjoyed this quote because it shows his dedication to his wife. Although he has a drinking problem and seems to bring a burden to his family, the fact that he is willing to take a beating to soothe his wife’s pain proves that Marmeladov truly does love his spouse.
I can relate to Raskolnikov when it comes to money. Before I ever had a job, spending money would bring me a lot of stress and uncertainty over whether I just made a legitimate purchase. For example, when Raskolnikov left some money for Marmeladov on the dresser, he felt like he was making the right decision but as soon as he left he realizes that it was clearly the wrong one. I recall many times making a purchase that I later decide was probably not the best decision. That feeling you get in the pit of your stomach is truly unpleasant, which only adds on to the stresses of Raskolnikovs’ days.


Journal #2-

Now that I have made it to the middle of the book, I see a lot of connections between Raskolnikov and Hamlet. Both men are portrayed with extremely dramatic lifestyles. They are slowly beginning to betray the few friends that they have left and their own minds are driving them mad. As soon as Raskolnikov murdered the women that ran the pawnshop and her sister I know he had completely lost it. Earlier I predicted that something would happen which would leave him in a situation that he could not control. This is exactly what happened. He is unbelievably paranoid and digging himself into a deeper hole of guilt as the days go on.
I am a little confused of the relationship between Raskolnikov and his friend Razumikhin. I do not really understand how they know each other or why Razumikhin cares so dearly for Raskolnikov. Im curious as to see where his role in the story will fit in when closer to the end of the book. Perhaps he will be the only one left that is willing to save Raskolnikov from himself. I was very upset when I found out that Marmeladov died. I had a lot of respect for him and hoped that he would overcome his bad drinking habits, but clearly this was not the case. His family will probably have a very difficult time moving on from Marmeladovs’ death, especially his young children. The last prediction I have before finishing the book is that Raskolnikov is causing himself to be sick. His mind is becoming so overwhelming and powerful that it is bringing physical damage to his body.

Journal #3-

I can only suspect that Raskolnikov truly had good intentions from the start. Murdering Alyona was a heinous crime, however his motive was bigger than himself. Distributing the wealth among the poor shows his generosity. As well, his confessions to Sonya, Razumikhin and the police officials. I felt like he was never going to confess and the guilt would only eat away at him, but luckily he found some sort of sanity and was able to do the right thing. He was able to live with his punishment while in the Siberian prison, instead of living in paranoia and denial for the rest of his life.
I also felt like Raskolnikov sought to be somebody important in life, and murder was the only way. It would make him a powerful man and allow him to stand out from the rest of the crowd. His motives are still a bit foggy for me but I have many different predictions as to specifically why he commited the crime in the first place. One of my favorite parts of the ending was on page 491 when a theory as to how people were divided was explained. “people are divided, you see, into raw material and special people… people, on the contrary, who themselves devise laws for the rest, for the raw material – that is, for the trash”. At one point in his life Raskolnikov viewed himself as a raw material, but the murder he commited made him feel like a special person. It gave him a sense of power that he never had when he was considered trash. The only question is, was the act he commited worth it, or should he have lived the rest of his life as a low class, invisible, raw material.